How to Navigate the Stress of School Break Transitions
It feels like your kids just went back to school, and you’ve finally settled into a routine, but holiday breaks seem to be looming right around the corner. For many kids (and parents), school breaks can bring a mix of emotions, including excitement, relief, overwhelm, stress, and more. While our kids may desire the free time of a school break, the lack of structure and predictability of school can be challenging for many kids to adapt to. Furthermore, changes in schedule, sleep routines, childcare, social interactions and other family expectations can feel overwhelming. During breaks, we may notice that our kids are more irritable, have more emotional outbursts, are more clingy, or have more resistance to everyday tasks. As parents, these behaviors are challenging, as we are managing our own reactions to the changing routine, while also trying to manage our child’s reactions. If we can hold in mind that these responses from our child are understandable reactions to change, we can better support them and help these transitions go more smoothly.
Why Transitions Can Be Difficult For Kids
There are several developmental and emotional factors that can lead to our children struggling with transitions and change. For starters, predictability creates a sense of security for children. Familiar routines help our children to know what to expect, which can help our children to feel more secure and ultimately more regulated. For some children, emotions become more difficult to manage when there are changes to the environment. For example, a child may take comfort in spending time in their bedroom when upset, however when traveling out of state to visit their grandparents, they can’t access that safe space and may struggle to manage their big emotions without it.
Other factors, such as developmental stage, neurotype, and temperament also play a role in how a child manages transitions. Some children may be better able to understand things such as time or social expectations, which allows them to better tolerate transitions than a younger child might. Autistic or ADHD children who are more reliant on rigid routines and high levels of structure may find even short breaks to be very overwhelming and dysregulating.
As parents it can be helpful to remember that our children may have mixed emotions about breaks, or have different support needs than others. They may feel excited and happy, but also anxious and overwhelmed. We can help our children to hold these conflicting emotions by reassuring them that all of these emotions are valid. And we can give ourselves grace by resisting the urge to compare our children and parenting to others.
What Can We Do To Help?
There are a few ways we can support our children to ease some of the challenges of transitions.
Balance consistency and flexibility
First, finding ways to keep some consistent routines, while allowing others to be flexible, can take some of the stress away for kids and parents by providing a predictable and reassuring foundation. Pick a few anchors, such as bedtime, wake time, meals, or a morning ritual to keep consistent. Use visuals, like a calendar or daily schedule to help children know what to expect. Prepare changes in advance of things like travel, new caregivers, or unfamiliar environments. Finally, build in downtime and allow for plans to be flexible so that our kids have plenty of time to rest and recharge between activities.
Be with our child in their big emotions
When our children are struggling, we can make space for their emotions, without rushing to fix them. Naming and validating feelings, while modeling a calm response, can help children to feel secure in our ability to be with them in their big feelings without losing our cool. Offering choices when possible can help kids to feel a sense of control, especially when they may be feeling out of control with all of the changes to their routine. Keep in mind that sometimes our children’s behaviors can tell us how they are feeling before we have the words. Reflecting on our child’s behavior through the lens of what they may be needing can help us to see what is hiding in plain sight beneath the behavior. With the support of a calm and supportive adult our children can learn how to manage their strong emotions. We can say things like “I can see this change feels hard” or "you're really disappointed that your routine is different” and let them know “I’m here to help you figure this out”.
Prepare for the transition back to school
Sometimes the transition back to school can be challenging too, so helping to ease back into routines and schedule can be helpful. Some examples could include:
Gradually return to a bedtime and wake up schedule before school returns.
Prepare kids for what to expect by talking about what the first day back at school will look like.
Reintroduce some school related tasks, like packing their backpack or picking out new clothes, so that children are not overwhelmed by restarting all of the school related tasks at once.
Make space for emotions about returning to school, such as worries about friends or schoolwork, or sadness about family vacation coming to an end.
Finally, planning something comforting for the first day back to school that your child can look forward to.
Preparing to return back to school doesn’t have to be elaborate. Small and consistent steps can make the big changes feel more manageable.
Adjust Expectations and Practice Self-Compassion
Breaks and transitions aren’t just difficult for the kids, as parents we can also struggle with the lack of structure and changes in routine. There’s also the pressure to try and make breaks fun and enjoyable for the whole family while also being productive. If we can focus on being “good enough parents”, we can take some of the pressure off and be more present to be with our family. It’s ok if everyday isn’t full of enriching activities or planned out family outings - sometimes down time at home is what our kids need most! Try to focus on what you are doing, rather than what you’re not doing - chances are you are probably doing so much as a parent that you deserve to give yourself credit for! Be kind to yourself, and know that having more screen time, disrupted routines, or challenging days doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It may take time for your child to settle into the new rhythm of break, and that’s ok! This doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Focus on connection, rather than perfection. When it comes to child development, even small moments of connection have a
big impact on our child.
When to Seek Additional Support
As stated earlier, it is normal for children to struggle with transitions and experience more irritability or bigger emotions around school breaks. However, sometimes these difficulties can go beyond what is typical, and we might need additional support for our child. If transitions cause your child to experience intense, or persistent distress that interferes with everyday activities, or they begin to experience emotional or behavioral changes that seem unusually significant for your child, it may be helpful to seek evaluation from a licensed therapist experienced with working with children and families. As a parent, if you are feeling unsure how to best support your child’s big emotions, or are struggling to manage your own emotions when routines change you could benefit from support as well. Working with an individual therapist, or parenting coach can help you to work through the challenges that these transition periods may be highlighting. Parenting is hard work, and you don’t have to do it alone. At Mind and Body Therapeutic Connections, we support children and families in individual therapy, family therapy, parent coaching/education, and more. Call us at 919-791-5611 to learn more or schedule a free clinical consultation today.
